The Importance of Accepting Who You Are (Just Be Yourself)
Why focus on just male sexuality?
This section deals exclusively with male sexuality, as men seem to have more problems dealing with their sexuality and accepting it than women do.
Contrary to popular belief, male sexuality can be quite complex, to the point that many men can’t fully understand it themselves. Compounded with that are the social and religious constraints imposed upon men to try and make them conform to a certain standard of behavior.
In general, society worldwide, not just in the United States, has changed dramatically these past few years. Just as social norms have changed, so have sexual norms. Sexual behavior such as bisexuality and homosexuality was unthinkable years ago, yet is now commonly accepted. The monolithic heterosexual society that existed in America, particularly in the 1950’s and 1960’s no longer exists. Male role models like the character of Richie Cunningham in the retro TV show “Happy Days” is from a bygone era: Richie was expected to find a nice girl, date her, and then marry her (with no sex till they were married). They would then have their own family and everyone would live happily ever after! That is not America nowadays! Men are free to do whatever they want sexually. As a matter of fact, any man 30 years of age and younger wouldn’t even understand why someone who was either bisexual or gay would want to hide it! They can’t relate to men who grew up in an earlier more repressive society.
The pressure for men to be “normal” (exclusively heterosexual) is still prevalent, but it is rapidly diminishing, particularly with younger men. Unfortunately, pressure to conform to traditional social expectations has caused many men to use either drugs or alcohol or both whenever they indulge in “unconventional” sexual behavior. They can then claim that they weren’t responsible for their behavior. That would explain the common joke amongst men: “What is the difference between a guy who is straight and a guy who is gay? Answer: A six-pack of beer!”
Make Your Sexual Needs Part of Your Life
When you design your Life Plan (as outlined in the book “How to Create the Life You Want – Redesigning Your Life” referred to on this website) you have to take into account your sexual identity (i.e. your sexuality), which is usually defined as being either heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual (strictly involving sex between consenting adults).
For example, chapter 5 of the above-mentioned book asks you to examine your beliefs, including your beliefs about sex; and chapter 8 has written exercises in order to discover what overall lifestyle you want to have, which includes who you want in your life as well as the sexual relationships that you want, if any.
Accept who you are and what your needs are. Don’t waste a lot of time trying to suppress what you shouldn’t (and can’t) suppress! That is not to say that a man should deliberately allow himself to get out of control, and just do whatever he feels like doing. There is a difference between “suppression” and “control”. Lack of control implies that you hurt yourself and others by your actions.
The sooner you accept yourself, the more you will enjoy life and the more successful you will be.
If you are either bisexual or gay, you will still encounter some hostility from straight society. No doubt a man who works full time, is married, with kids, and has absolutely no life (including a sexual life) is going to be somewhat envious of the man who is single and just having fun (and getting all the sex that he can handle)! Being married with kids is not for everyone. It may have worked for your parents, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it will work for you! Your destiny is unique, not a repeat of your parents!
A Survey of Male Sexuality in the United States – Times Are Changing!
The Traditional View of the American Male
Traditionally, the stereotype of the typical American male has been heterosexual. Such a man would be in a relationship with a woman, which would eventually end up in marriage (with the intention of having children). This lifestyle, however, didn’t suit everyone, particularly homosexual men who fought to have their lifestyle accepted. Eventually society accepted that a man could be either straight or gay. Many people would often say that a man has to make a choice between which “team” he wants to be with! Such a viewpoint makes male sexuality quite simplistic and most people can accept that. However, male sexuality is not so simple!
American Society Has Changed Drastically
American society has been undergoing tremendous change these past few decades with many men and women questioning their traditional viewpoints on what their roles are in society (e.g. the man should be the “breadwinner” in a family while his wife stays home to raise their children) and what their expectations are with each other (e.g. women want to be less dependent upon men and more self-reliant). While much attention in America has focused upon women (everything from enriching their career possibilities to sexual empowerment), far less attention seems to have been given to men. In the midst of so much upheaval, however, the modern American male has been quietly but drastically changing, especially when it comes to his views on sexuality.
Survey Results – The American Male
Around 2014 a survey on male sexuality was conducted in the United States. Special attention was given to include a large number of men (to increase the accuracy of the survey results) and to include all of the U.S.A., not just more liberal-minded states like California. The results were very interesting (and probably quite shocking to many Americans):
- 50% of men surveyed have had at least 1 sexual experience with another man
- 10% of men identified themselves as homosexual (i.e. only having sex with other men)
- 30 – 50% of men identified themselves as bisexual (i.e. having sex with both men and women)
- 40 – 60% of men (the remainder) identified themselves as heterosexual (only having sex with women)
The Emergence of the No-Hassle Sex Trend
This survey also discovered that a new trend amongst American men was emerging: men who identified themselves as straight (heterosexual men), but were leading a gay sexual lifestyle. This trend was called “no hassle sex”, as it highlighted the wish on the part of men to have sex simply for the sake of having sex without any perceived “drama” attached to it. The men involved in this new trend explained that they were disillusioned with women and all of the perceived game playing as well as the emphasis by women to receive something material in exchange for them consenting to have sex (e.g. expensive dinners, jewelry, gifts, or trips). Quite interesting was the fact that such men still viewed themselves as heterosexual.
The Modern American Male Is Perhaps Not so Conservative!
The biggest shock (or surprise) in these survey results has to be the number of men who have identified themselves as bisexual (30 – 50% of the male population). Bisexually has been widely accepted in places like Europe and South America for many decades, but it is surprising that it has now become so common amongst American men. It may have always been that way and perhaps people are just now being more honest and open about their sexuality. Also interesting was the fact that the gay population remains at 10% (which is a worldwide phenomenon). For some unknown reason nearly every country in the world has the same percentage of gay men. So, contrary to the fears of many religious people in the U.S.A., men have not en masse embraced the homosexual lifestyle (due to society being more liberal-minded); instead they seem to have embraced bisexuality! We do live in interesting times!
What Fuels a Man’s Sexuality?
Testosterone – the Fuel of Passion
Testosterone is the hormone that fuels a man’s sexual desires or passions. It starts to increase as soon as a boy enters puberty (around the age of 13 years) and decreases as a man ages. Unfortunately, for men, the peak of a man’s sexuality is at the age of 18 years old. (It’s much later in life for women).
Testosterone is what makes a man “a man”, and makes him so very different than a woman. Some men have low levels of testosterone and thus little interest in sex; whereas others have high levels of it and need sex on a regular basis (in order to “burn off” the testosterone that is building up within their bodies). Not all men are created equal when it comes to sexual desire and capability.
It is this hormone that produces the sexual behavior of men. Large amounts of it at any one time can drive a man almost mad. It is no wonder that men laugh when women say that men should be able to control their sexual desires, switching their interests off by merely wishing it so. Testosterone is like a drug that makes it almost impossible for a man to ignore, and it is primarily responsible for men acting the way they do (many times irrationally or impetuously). There is a good reason why most men don’t become successful in life till they are in their late 40’s onward: the level of testosterone in their system has decreased to the point where they are not bothered by it, and they can thus think rationally and not be bothered by sexual desires (as they were when they were younger).
Men, Women, & Sex – A Difference In Viewpoints
Given the differences in viewpoints towards sex, maybe men truly are from Mars and women are from Venus: two different planets in two different parts of the galaxy! I’m sure that many times men think that of women and vice versa! How often have you heard a woman say to a man (or a man to a woman): “What planet are you from? It can’t be from the same one as me!”
The Male Viewpoint
There is a huge difference between men and women and how each views sex. To explain this difference in its most basic terms, men are able to have sex and have no emotional connection with whomever they have sex. For men, sex is primarily a physical act. Men do not equate sex with love. A man does not automatically fall in love with a woman after having had sex with her. It takes more than that for a man to fall in love with a woman!
Unfortunately, if a man is unable to connect psychologically with a woman and only views her in physical (sexual) terms, then he is going to have problems. His love life can easily become an endless parade of “one night stands” with no emotional attachment to anyone, leaving him an aging playboy with no prospects of finding happiness and companionship. By the time he gets his life together, it may be too late: all of the worthwhile women have more than likely left him and he is alone.
The Female Viewpoint
Women are the exact opposite of men (or at least most women are). Women equate sex with love. If a woman has sex with a man, she can (and often does) fall in love with him (i.e. she has a psychological and in some cases a spiritual connection with that man). This situation, however, can pose a lot of problems for women. For example, a woman may spend the night with a man whom she thinks is “Prince Charming”, only to discover in the morning that she has actually spent the night with a “frog”! If this situation happens too often, the woman can easily become quite “jaded” and close herself off to love, making it next to impossible for her to find her true soul mate (i.e. the man destined to be hers).
Nowadays You Can Lead Any Of The Following Lifestyles:
Straight Lifestyle: click onto the video Youtube site location with Tom Cruise – “Take My Breath Away” – by Berlin from the Top Gun movie
Bi Lifestyle: click onto the video Youtube site location of “Him” sung by Geo Louis
Gay Lifestyle: click onto the video Youtube site location of “Stay” sung by Steve Grand
Hints For A Better Life:
- Whatever lifestyle you want (i.e. whomever you want to be with) is your choice. Actually, the lifestyle chooses you!
- Don’t let someone else dictate to you as to how you should live your life. Accept your sexuality, it’s part of who you are! Don’t apologize for who you are!
- Go out and have fun. If you stay true to yourself, your life will be one of success, power, and happiness – what more can anyone ask for!